Double Dawgs are two corn dogs connected with breading. You know those twin popsicles you can split in half? It's like that but a thousand times better because it's corn dogs.

The Double Dawg is inevitable. They're the once and future meat on a stick, and time is a delicious, fried circle. For serious: one corn dog and I'm still hungry. Three and I'm a greasy sad sack. The Double Dawg will exist, just a matter of time.

I made this promo to convince State Fair Corn Dogs to get to it already. 

(:30) Not your mother's corn dog, unless your mom is a fifty-foot robot that wails on the guitar. Double Dawg: you're welcome, America


I wrote to the mayor of St. Paul, Chris Coleman, and offered Double Dawg as the city's official corn dog. Twin dogs for the the twin cities. Sent the same to Betsy Hodges, mayor of Minneapolis.

Your liege,

The honorable Mayor Chris Coleman,

St. Paul is one of the greatest cities in America, take the lakes and the river and whatnot. But, could it be even greater, Max? You’re probably thinking that. I’m Max by the way. The answer is yes. Yes, It could — by proclaiming ‘Double Dawg’ the official corndog of St. Paul.

The ‘Double Dawg’ is a friggin’ awesome innovation in corndog technology. You know how you can get those twin popsicles that are attached to each other? ‘Double Dawg’ is a lot like that. Two corndogs connected with breading. It’s basically the most bodacious grubbable ever.

At this point, you’re probs flinging a fountain pen and screaming at an aide, “Where do I sign!?” Well, you sign on a mayoral proclamation. One that names ‘Double Dawg’ the official corndog of St. Paul.

Anyway, although it’s unnecessary, I’ll continue to explain why the ‘Double Dawg’ should be St. Paul’s official corndog. After all, ‘Double Dawg’ is extremely thorough. Extremely thorough at delighting taste buds and filling bellies, that is. Also, we’re thorough at explaining things.

Just the other day, I was talking to Betsy Hodges -- Mayor of Minneapolis -- and she was all like, “Double Dawg is way too cool for St. Paul.”

And I was like, “I don’t know. St. Paul is pretty cool.”

Then she was all, “Sure, but they’re not Minneapolis cool.”

Woah, right?

And, hey, Minnesota loves state fairs and the food thereof. Think of all those tourism dollars that’ll come rolling in with an official corndog. By our guarantestimate (guaranteed estimate), it’s a lot — maybe even a ton.

Bee-tee-dubs, the Double Dawg is the only corndog that reflects the twinness of St. Paul-Minneapolis. Twin Corndogs for the Twin Cities, eh? Kind of obvious.

Eternally yours,

Max de la Double Dawg

City rep got back, said they couldn’t wait to try one, and asked me to stop emailing.